Five months.

Bubs is FIVE months old.  Five.  F. I. V. E.  Did you get that?

He is five months, and I feel like I am just now getting the hang of having two kids.  That's not to say I have it ALL under control all of the time.  But recently I feel like I have maybe found a groove.  Baby D is napping at around the same times each day.  Emma is still taking her once-a-day naps - thank goodness.  [I dread the day she decides she's too old for naps.]  Cleaning/upkeep is becoming easier to manage.  And my relationship with husband is on it's way up.

To expand a little, I was on an emotional roller coaster for a long time after having Dean.  Looking back, my posts oozed despair, stress, and a little bit of depression.  It was nice to have this blog as an outlet for my feelings.  It also helped me realize that I was probably more stressed out than I thought.  I wouldn't say it was postpartum depression/anxiety, but I was probably close to it.  I even googled the symptoms because I felt so different.  One day, I just realized that I hadn't really felt like myself, like the "lauren" that I am, in a long time.  There were many factors that contributed to this feeling, and I just had to sit down and evaluate each one.

1.  Extremes.  I went from having one child to having two.  I went from having no house to a fixer-upper in one night.  Please note that "one night" was the day we brought Baby D home from the hospital.  [what were we thinking?]  It just took me a while to realize that we were crazy for what we did, but we are pretty balanced now.

2.  Sleep.  Baby D is a much different baby than Emma ever was.  She slept through the night very early on, and we were better rested.  D is 5 months old, and I woke up with him at least 4 times just last night.  Not getting enough sleep is obviously a factor here.

3.  The "Super Mom" syndrome.  Nope.  You can NOT do it all.  At least I can't.  I tried.  I tried real hard.  I felt like I had to, like I was supposed to be able to do it all.  But, after about 5 months, I figured out that I simply can't.  I just have to do what I can, the best I can.  When I feel like I can take something else on, then I will.  But not before I'm ready.  I learned that lesson the hard way.  Thank goodness I have a husband with the most patience ever.  Seriously, ever.

It took me a long while to figure this out, and I don't believe I'm done at all.   But at least I've got a handle on what I need to do.  Slow down.  Breathe.  Evaluate.  Start again.  Only do what needs to be done.  Get good at that.  Then consider adding more.

Let's see how the next 5 months play out shall we?