Tuesday, April 12, 2011

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I used to think about this question all the time when I was younger.  Except it wasn't so much about what I was going to be, but how I would handle the position.

"If I'm a teacher, I'm going to be relaxed.  I'll let kids sleep.  I'll be that cool teacher that all the kids like." or "If I'm a teacher, I'm going to be strict but for good reason.  I'll never let kids sleep.  They'll have to answer to me.  Nobody will like me but the parents because their kids will get good grades."  Basically, it was a mix of the teachers I liked for different reasons.

Turns out, I think of motherhood the same way.

"I want to be that mom that all my kids' friends love.  They want to come over to our house for the cookies I make or the yard we have to run around in.  Emma & Dean are content with the fact that I get along with their friends.  And hopefully they will trust themselves more to let me in on their plans and resist the urge to hide secrets or lie to me."

But, I don't think I get to make the call on this one.  It just happens.  I'm learning that I'm just going to be the type of mom my kids need that day.

Most days, I'm more strict than I thought I'd be.  I try hard to not make "empty threats".  If I say "Don't climb on that or I'll take away your cartoons.",  I mean it.  If you climb on that, I'll take away your cartoons.  The last thing I want my little ones to learn is that I don't really mean anything I say - threat or not.

Some days, I'm full of fun ideas, crafts, foods, and energy.  On these days, there are no tears and no fits.  We are relaxed.  We have fun.  We create together.  We laugh & shop & play.

I'm discovering things about who I am.  Being a mother has brought a change to the way I approach life.  I find less of a need to impress others (why did I ever care in the first place?), and more of a desire to create the most comfortable HOME I can for my family.

And for now, we're doing well.

Let's see what today brings.