Tuesday, December 28, 2010

You mooch.

Oh wait, that's me.

I "borrow" my internet.  I don't pay for it.  I have a wonderful neighbor who unknowlingly let me use their interent.
all.
the.
time.

Until, they caught on & locked me out.  Blast!

So, that's where I've been.  I have been trying to read the blogs I follow on my tiny blackberry screen.  Ain't cuttin' it.

So there may be some lagging times between blogs, but please know I am still here.  And I do miss writing. 

I hope all 3 of my readers miss reading my writing.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Five months.

Bubs is FIVE months old.  Five.  F. I. V. E.  Did you get that?

He is five months, and I feel like I am just now getting the hang of having two kids.  That's not to say I have it ALL under control all of the time.  But recently I feel like I have maybe found a groove.  Baby D is napping at around the same times each day.  Emma is still taking her once-a-day naps - thank goodness.  [I dread the day she decides she's too old for naps.]  Cleaning/upkeep is becoming easier to manage.  And my relationship with husband is on it's way up.

To expand a little, I was on an emotional roller coaster for a long time after having Dean.  Looking back, my posts oozed despair, stress, and a little bit of depression.  It was nice to have this blog as an outlet for my feelings.  It also helped me realize that I was probably more stressed out than I thought.  I wouldn't say it was postpartum depression/anxiety, but I was probably close to it.  I even googled the symptoms because I felt so different.  One day, I just realized that I hadn't really felt like myself, like the "lauren" that I am, in a long time.  There were many factors that contributed to this feeling, and I just had to sit down and evaluate each one.

1.  Extremes.  I went from having one child to having two.  I went from having no house to a fixer-upper in one night.  Please note that "one night" was the day we brought Baby D home from the hospital.  [what were we thinking?]  It just took me a while to realize that we were crazy for what we did, but we are pretty balanced now.

2.  Sleep.  Baby D is a much different baby than Emma ever was.  She slept through the night very early on, and we were better rested.  D is 5 months old, and I woke up with him at least 4 times just last night.  Not getting enough sleep is obviously a factor here.

3.  The "Super Mom" syndrome.  Nope.  You can NOT do it all.  At least I can't.  I tried.  I tried real hard.  I felt like I had to, like I was supposed to be able to do it all.  But, after about 5 months, I figured out that I simply can't.  I just have to do what I can, the best I can.  When I feel like I can take something else on, then I will.  But not before I'm ready.  I learned that lesson the hard way.  Thank goodness I have a husband with the most patience ever.  Seriously, ever.

It took me a long while to figure this out, and I don't believe I'm done at all.   But at least I've got a handle on what I need to do.  Slow down.  Breathe.  Evaluate.  Start again.  Only do what needs to be done.  Get good at that.  Then consider adding more.

Let's see how the next 5 months play out shall we?

This is my brain.

This is my brain on the holidays.

Any questions?

Christmas time has always been a pretty great memory for me.  My brother & I used to "sleep" on Christmas Eve, and then almost pee our pants with anticipation of what Santa Claus brought the next morning.  I hope Emma & Dean love it as much as we did.

I'm trying my best to make it special.  Emma is getting to the age where she will start to remember certain things.  One of my first memories is bringing baby bro home from the hospital.  I was just three...and Emma is fast approaching this age. [in 3 months - ahhh!]  I want her to remember the good parts: wrapping presents, listening to Ray Charles sing "That Spirit of Christmas", the smell of the real Christmas Tree, her favorite ornaments, putting the star on top of the tree, watching the classics on tv, and giving presents to others.  What a great season, ay?

I've got about 80% of the shopping done - which is a HUGE accomplishment for me.  I decided this year I was too poor to just go out and buy them all at once, so I've been slowly accumulating all throughout November.  What a difference this makes!  I feel calmer about it, and I've had time to really choose the perfect gifts for everyone.  I've also saved money because I am not paying for last-minute-rush-to-my-door-as-fast-as-you-can-because-xmas-is-in-three-days shipping.  [heard of that?]

And while the holidays are so special to me, I think I like them too because they make me appreciate the warm months even more than I already do.  For example, I just looked out my back door at all the snow falling, and I realized I have the perfect set of trees to hang a hammock from.  Score!  Lemonade, kids playing, hammock in the shade - is it summer yet?  Just kidding.  But how great is that going to be?

For now, I will just enjoy being all cozy inside my new-old house wondering what Emma will remember from this year, and the next, and the next.....and before I know it, she'll have 2 kids of her own wondering the same darn thing.

Sigh.....

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Thank you.

So this week is the week to remember what we're thankful for right?  Well, here goes.

I AM THANKFUL:

*for my parents!  They always seem to know when I need them, no matter the reason.  Whether it's a compliment, help on the house, or cuddling some grandkids.  Calling out of the blue to watch the kids so D & I can go eat a dinner - alone.  I am thankful.
*for my best friends!  I'm grateful that we still connect even having long distances between us.  Florida, Indy, & Australia - you got nothin' on us.
*for my husband!  I may give him a hard time about certain things, but he takes it well.  Very rarely does he let himself get stressed out, which is a trait I wish I had.  Sometimes I make myself step back and really just appreciate him for who he is.
*for my job!  All I have ever wanted since I had Emma was to stay at home with her.  But financially that was impossible.  I also had a small problem with just quitting working.  I have worked full-time for the greater part of the last 11 years.  I have always taken pride in the fact that I've been promoted multiple times in every job I've had.  I also have some feministic tendancies and hate the idea of being the typical "mom" who has a baby & quits her job.  So when I decided to go part-time after I had Dean, I was excited to not have to decide for one option or the other.  I am home with my kids Sunday-Thursday every week.  By the time Friday comes around, I am ready to get dressed in my suit, play with my makeup, and actually be a working woman for a day and a half.  After my half-shift on Saturdays, I'm back to being mama, and I'm excited for that time too.  It might seem weird to say, but I actually consider those 15 hours a week a BREAK.
*for my kiddos!  Even though I let myself get stressed out with the amount of work I feel like I have to do for them, it's all justified when I realize how lucky I am to even have them in my life.  They couldn't be more different in the way they were as babies, but that's what makes it fun!  I am excited to see who they grow up to be, and how their relationship develops between the two of them.  I was always so close to my brother, and I can only hope they are like we were.
*for my brother!  The guy just got engaged & bought a house all in the same weekend!  It's great to see him so happy & comfortable with his decisions he is making.  And I am thankful he found a fiance` I get along with and makes him happy.
*for my in-laws!  My mother & father in law are very helpful.  They let us live with them for seven months while we found our dream house.  They watch the kids at least once a week while we work.  They always put themselves second so they can help others first.  They may not get told enough, but we are thankful.
*for my house.  I feel so comfortable in my new house.  It feels like HOME & that is important.

I am thankful.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

And stay out.

Stress,

I'm relieving you of your duties.  You have no purpose here in my life.  You only make things worse.

I will not worry about you from now on.  I will not let you creep into my head & make me crazy.

I am done letting you control anything that happens to me.

Get out.

And stay out.

Thanks, lauren

Thursday, November 18, 2010

No caption necessary.

Overwhelmed because I'm overwhelmed.

I need to focus.  I need to make a list and stick to it.  I'm really good at making lists and writing down fabulous ideas.  It's the whole "do" part of the to-do list that gets me every stinkin' time.  I need to focus on the cheap/free things I can do for my home & family.  I don't want to add financial distress to my list.
1.  Goodwill everything I don't use.  I need to go through each room with a "no looking back" attitude and get rid of some stuff.  Does Emma really need all 502 stuffed animals in her room?  Or will we ever miss the junk still in boxes in the garage?  My thought is, if I haven't used it/missed it/needed it by now, then peace out.  Movies I'll never watch again.  Shirts I'm done with.  Shoes I've had since college.  Smell ya later.

2.  Organize what I do need.  Sure my bathroom closet is full of stuff I actually do use - deodorant, make-up, toilet paper.  But it's all just chillin' on the shelves.  Must get baskets pronto.  A place to put keys.  I box for my electric cords.  Etcetera.

3.  Finish projects.  I am super-dee-duper at starting projects.  It's the finishing that is the hard part.  Now, part of this has to do with my idea that it has to be perfect, so it must take a long time, numerous days, and lots of money.  Another factor is that most of it has to be done when at least one kiddo is asleep because if they're both awake, it's hard enough to go to the bathroom, let alone paint trim.  The third is, I've kind of always been this way.  It's definitely not genetics, because my parents finish everything they start.  And it's not laziness, because I've learned the hard way, that it just stresses me out more to put it off.  I'm slowly realizing that I just have to knock it out.  Dishwasher needs unloaded?  Just do it.  Don't turn the tv on, or wonder around for a snack - just empty the flippin' dishwasher.  I mean, that machine just washed all of those dishes for me.  Is it that hard to put them away?  See what I mean.
*A good side note to this is to not start another project until the first one is finished.  Great idea right? 

I should take my own advice.


Note:  Do not ever buy a fixer-upper & have a second baby in the same year.  Side effects may be stress, stress, and more stress.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Dean-o-mite

Four Month Check Up:
Weight: SEVENTEEN POUNDS/85%
Height: 27 inches/95%
Milestones: Rolling OvEr back to belly.  Now that he's figured that out, he doesn't lay on his back for long.  Lay down & roll over baby.  Reaching for things like tiny elmo or his pacifier.  He's tried to put the pacifier back in his mouth, but he's not that coordinated yet.

All of this is great news, except he is STILL not sleeping through the night.  Like, at all.  Like, still waking up every 3 to 4 hours.  I mean, this is his four month check up and he's still waking all the time.  You would think I'd get used to it, but no.  It's still very hard to wake up at 3:30 am every night.

However, his cuteness factor is through the roof.  :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Re-think-everything.

I constantly evalutate myself.  My style.  My thoughts.  My habits.  I do all of this thinking & evaluating to make myself a better person, wife, mother.  Lately though, I've been wondering if it is making me better -or- worse.

I'm pretty sure I'm trying to be superwoman without knowing I'm trying to be superwoman.  Get it?

I mean, whenever I do anything, I think about how I'm doing it and if I could do it faster, cleaner, better, or more often.  Even if I am sitting down for a couple of minutes, I am thinking about what else I could be doing besides resting.  Then I get completely stressed out for the millionth time that day.

I never really felt this kind of pressure after I had Emma, but that's because I had much lower expectations for myself & my home.  Plus, I worked full-time, so I saw/cleaned/made the mess much left often than now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am in a constant state of review about what I do everyday, and it's starting to really stress me out.   But I can't stop.  I can't just let the mess be.  Do other moms & dads think this way?  Do they have trouble resting because there is so much more they could be doing? 

I can tell you one thing, I'm pretty sure my mom was superwoman.  She kept an immaculate house without letting her stress about it show.  She created a clean, but stress-free home.  That's what I want.  But I'm having trouble getting there.

Will I ever feel a sense of calm?  Will I ever stop being overwhelmed?

Saturday, October 30, 2010

ooooze.

So, apparently I give off a vibe.

It has come to my attention that most of the people in my life think I'm either pregnant. trying to get pregnant. or planning to get pregnant.

Whah?

Maybe I spill too many personal "beans" on this blog.  Maybe I voice my love of pregnancy too often.  Maybe I talk about having babies too much.  Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

In the past week I have had co-workers say "I would have guessed you guys were trying again already."  I had a family member call to see "what was up with my vague facebook posts".  At a family gathering, a room full of in-laws were in discussion about how many kids David & I were going to have.  "You'll definitely have four, if not five." "No, they'll have three for sure.  Well, maybe four."  It was a bizarre situation suddenly finding out what most of your family thinks of your reproductive habits.

But is it so bad to be in this situation?  I mean, I must love having babies if I talk about it so much right?  And I'm lucky enough to experience and journal my pregnancies in an environment that encourages documenting these events.  And I'm happy that friends & family read this blog, because it's not just for me.

And finally, no.  I am not pregnant.  But I'm sure you'll be the first to know when I am.  :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Grow up.

This summer, my parents brought over a little maple tree that had sprouted in their yard.  It was tiny, but sturdy for it's size.  We planted it in a spot near the back of our new-to-us backyard.

Well, look at it now.
Isn't it gorgeous?  Can you imagine what it will look like in 10 years?  How about 20?  It gets me excited  just thinking about it.

I like to think of this tree as Dean's Tree.  It was a newborn the summer he was a newborn.  I will watch both of them grow up big and strong.  Although, I do have a hard time thinking about Baby D in 10 years.  How about 20? Ah!

So while I am encouraging the growth of Dean's Tree and admiring the colorful [albeit tiny] display, I'm thinking about how much Dean has already grown. 

And how I'm sure he will be more colorful than any tree ever could.

Monday, October 18, 2010

well, does it?

ohmygoodnessdoesiteverend?

Lately, I have had a constant feeling of "overwhelm-ed-ness".

In my old house, I NEVER cleaned.  If you knew me then, I was a messy/sloppy/dirty person who put more work into my job than my house.  My car = mess.  Shower = dirty.  Closet = sloppy.  I never vacuumed, mopped, scrubbed, laundered, scraped, steamed, or disinfected ANYTHING.  The only reason I ever got my butt up to clean was when I had a baby who was crawling everywhere, or when I knew company was coming over.  We lived far enough away to where I didn't have to worry myself with "unexpected" guests.  I just let the dog fur take over my living room, and the soap scum dominate my shower door.  Yuck.

I've made a promise to myself not be like that again.  My expectations of cleanliness are incredibly higher than they used to be.  I have a new house, a new baby, and many more free hours in my days due to my part-time status at work.  We also live closer to every one and therefore the chances of "stop-bys" have increased dramatically.  All of this is good news, right?  It's everything I wanted.  But....I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I must find a middle ground in this whirlwind of change.

I am guessing (and secretly hoping) that this is the case for all stay-at-home moms and dads.  I wake up & instantly evaluate the cleanliness situation.  "That dog fur over there needs swept up.  I should clean the rugs in the bathroom.  The tablecloth needs rinsed from last night's spagetti mess.  I should sprinkle the pet-deodorizing powder and vacuum upstairs.  Pledge would get rid of those fingerprints on the fridge.  I should get laundry started so Emma can wear her sweatshirt tomorrow because it's supposed to be colder.  What's for dinner?  Where's a pen, I've got to start a grocery list.  Charlie, please stop sneezing your snot all over my freshly mopped floor!  I should fold that basket of laundry.  Oh look, more dog fur."  Et cetera.  Et cetera.  Times infinity.

And then, I do the same thing in the evenings in an attempt to wake up to a smaller list of things-to-do.

My house is exponentially cleaner than my last because of this insanity.  And one of these days, family and friends will stop harassing me about how they expect everything to be messy, and finally realize that my house is clean.  Yes, I USED to be a mess.  But I don't live that way anymore.  And I never will.

So, if you see me zoning out - I'm thinking about what I can clean.  And that's okay.  One of these days, I'll find a rhythm to this madness and not be so overwhelmed.  But for now, if you need me, I'll be making a to-do list.  Feel free to "stop by" and help.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My two-year-old's mind

Me: "Do you know how you get toys from grandma, mama, uncle bot, etc, etc...?"
Emma: "yah."
Me: "Well, there are kids in the world that do not get toys at all."
Emma: "oooh.  Dey are sad?"
Me: "Yes.  Do you want to come with me to buy some toys to give to those kids?"
Emma: "Yah! Den dey won't be sad eneemoh?"
Me: "That's right.  They will be happy."
Emma: "And we can sing to dem?"
Me: "Yes.  Then we can sing to them."

Because, apparently, in my 2 year-old's mind - singing fixes things && makes you happy.

And that is what makes me happy.

:)

Monday, October 11, 2010

Ah jeez.

Emma: "I want a wittle sissser."
Dad: "You do?"
Emma:  "Yah.  I want two of dem."


Great.

Resolutions.

"Before-the-new-year" Resolutions:
(aka. Goals I want to accomplish by January 1st.)

--Cloth Diapers.--
I've done the research.  I know I want the Bumgenius Elemental All-In-One, One Size in Ribbit, Moonbeam, Twilight, and Grasshopper.  Sounds like a foreign language, huh?  Well, up until today, it was.  But I've learned.  Now I just have to shell out the LARGE chunk of money necessary to purchase them, and in a very short time, they will pay for themselves.  I'm so tired of spending $19.99 every week-and-a-half for diapers that take 500 years (!!!) to decompose.  Cloth diapers can be used for subsequent kiddos and are better for babies skin.  As soon as I can spend this money, I will be using cloth diapers.

--Baby Dean's Photo Album.--
This is a major goal.  I really need to keep up with this, or I'll never remember dates/accomplishments/moments to write them down.  Must. do. soon.

--Credit Card.--
This one is simple.  Stop using it.  Much easier said than done.

--Finances.--
Stop spending so much darn money.  Now that we're finally in a "livable" state with our renovated home, and we have baby bills consolidated, we need to start repaying debts and saving, saving, saving.  And yes, I do understand this will be a never-ending battle.

--Garage.--
Clean it out.  Keep the good.  Goodwill the rest.  Unfortunately, we still have boxes from moving that we have yet to unpack.  Once these are taken care of we can actually use our garage for, wait for it....parking our cars.  What a great idea right?

This is an extremely condensed version of the dialogue that runs through my head every.single.flippin.day.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Mommy Emma

She woke up this morning & decided to be mama.
She really did all of this on her own.  Baby, carseat, food in cart.
Gaah I loves her.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

My Truths

1.  When I brag about something, it will not last.  Example?  "Dean gave me 9+ hours of sleep last night!"  Guess what he's given me since that.  FIVE. at the most.  He's back to waking me up twice a night, with no intention of going back to his old ways.  Want another one?  "Emma is potty-trained!"  The day after I wrote that, I watched my daughter pee all over the floor of Target.  Had to get down on my hands and knees and undress her, wipe her down with about 500 wipes, and then clean the floor.  Thank goodness I had a plastic bag in the baby bag that I threw her underwear, pants, socks, and shoes in.  She then wore a shirt and pull-up for the rest of the shopping trip.  Classy.

2.  Good friends never leave.  Tonight I had dinner with an old friend [since 4th grade old] and her adorable daughter.  It was a long time coming, and I'm really glad we did it.  We are basically waaay too similar to not be friends.  More dinners to come! :)

3.  Still jealous of pregnant people.

I'm going to end this post by NOT bragging.

*My daughter is not potty-trained and pees everywhere.
*Dean is waking up every 2 hours.

[Maybe if I say those things, they will do the opposite.  Right?  Right?  Hello?]

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

n.e.r.v.o.u.s

So, Baby D still sleeps in our room.  In his pack'n'play, which by the way might be the best thing ever invented for babies.  Last night was the first time I would say he literally 'slept through the night'.  He slept from 10 pm until 7:10 am.  I remember the time, because it's when Emma climbed into bed to wake me up because she's "hungee."  Doing the math, carry the one, that means D slept 9+ hours.  The night before? 7+.  I'm thinking the reason he is waking up in the mornings is because he is being woken up by a certain, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, 2-year old who just slept for 11/12 hours straight.  Therefore....he's sleeping in his crib - UPSTAIRS - for the first time ever tonight.  [The upstairs part is a big deal because our bedroom is downstairs.]  That means both my munchkins are sound asleep, in their nice, clean beds - far, FAR, away from mama.  yikes.

On another note, I took Emma for her FIRST HAIRCUT EVER.  Yes.  She's 2.5 and I've never, ever, ever cut a strand of hair on that kid's head.  How could I?  If I didn't cut it, then that means she still had some of her baby hair.  The hair she was born with.  The little curly bits that went to Australia with us.  (I know, I'm weird.)
I'm not the type to buy a silver box engraved with "Baby's first curl" and keep a strand of the first haircut.  I'm trying to declutter, remember?  What the heck am I going to do with a box like that?  Store it somewhere, and move it from box to box for the rest of my life?  I just don't have it in me.  So instead, I took her to a salon for kids where she sat on an elephant, watched spongebob, got her hair snipped, and left with 2 new orange clips & a super-cute [makes her look soo much older] haircut.  Daddy's been out of town, and he has no idea we went and did this today.  I think he might be heartbroken that daddy's little girl got her hair cut.  [adorable pics to come later] [[not of daddy, but Emma's new haircut]]

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Jealous much?

I should have seen it coming.

It's the one thing that was similar with Emma & Dean's pregnancies.

I had it fierce with Emma.

And it's happening again.

I am insanely jealous of pregnant women.

No.  I do not want to be pregnant again.  Too soon.  Much, much too soon.

And I know it may have seemed like I "complained" towards the end of my pregnancy with Dean.

But, really, deep down, I truly loved it.

Being pregnant is an amazing - AMAZING - life event.  You could [should] call it miraculous.  And I have been very lucky.  They've been easy pregnancies compared to most.  And I try to enjoy all the good stuff about being pregnant.

Not sucking in.
Stretchy pants.
Long hair & nails.
Excuse to not wear heels.
Baby kicks.
Ultrasounds.
Stretchy pants.
Bigger...bras.
Junk food!
Stretchy pants.
The list goes on and on.
Stretchy pants.

So, in an effort to make myself feel better, I took a peek at my old pictures this time around.

Enjoy.


19 weeks 
22 weeks 
25 weeks 
30 weeks 
32 weeks 
34 weeks 
35 weeks 
The last pregnant picture ever taken of me & Deaners.
36 weeks, 3 days.

I don't even remember being that big.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Long time comin'

This vision no longer makes me nervous & frustrated.
Because....
She's potty trained!  Bonus!
*She learns about dolphins.  Double bonus!

Day-to-day

There comes a time, in every day, when Emma wakes up from her nap, and I think...

dang it.

I just lost my chance to nap.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

And another thing...

I want to start using cloth diapers.

Talk about green....

Rambling on...

Some thoughts/rambles/feelings to post 2 days before I head back to work:

--I love cooking.  I want to expand my horizons.  I want to own all the dishes & pans.  I want to fill my bookcase with cookbooks - and actually use them.  I want my husband to brag to people about what I made for dinner last night.  I want people to beg me to bring a dish I make to a cookout because they love it so much.

--I love not working.  Shame I have to go back in two days.

--I want to become more organized.  Step one: Putting a desk in the den.  Step two:  Setting up the computer, printer, and chargers so they all finally have a home.  Step three:  Manage bills, pictures, and all other electronics better.

--I want to breastfeed my next baby for at least 6 months.  This is a personal challege of mine - and I'm standing firm.  I want this most of all.

--I want to have dinner planned for the week ahead.  I hate when it's 7 and we get a pizza because it's late and I didn't plan accordingly.  Then I feel like crap the rest of the night, and vow to never do it again.  Then a week goes by, and I've done it again. :/

--I want to lose my last 5-10 pounds.  The weight was definitely harder to lose this time around, and I've still got a little bit to go.  I am back in all of my old clothes, but I want to be smaller than that.

--To expand on the last thought - I need new clothes.  Now, any one who knows me and ever saw my last closet probably just threw up when they read that.  But it's true!  I have given FIVE BAGS of clothes to Goodwill, and another one to the garbage truck.  That's a ton of clothes.  I finally got rid of all the clothes that when I look at, I think to myself "Too tight.", "I have to layer something under it.", "Too short", "Old", "Too casual", or anything other excuse.  There were clothes I have had for 5+ years, with tags still attached, that I just got rid of because I always found a reason to NOT wear them.  Pathetic.  So, now I need my version of "mom" clothes.  I don't mean the frumpy, dorky, version of mom clothes.  I mean, clothes that are comfortable, but cute.  They can't be pulled down or up or whatever when little hands want mama.  They need to move with me, instead of me trying to move with them.  And they just really need to be cute.  Is that too much to ask?  Maybe I should start my own "mom" clothing line.

--I want to get MORE green.  I recycle.  I don't use plastic water bottles.  I turn the water off when I brush my teeth.  I use SOME safe cleaners.  I want to do more.

--That's all for now.

This day.

This day is a day to be grateful for memories.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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*Always for Ben*

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fuzzers

This is right after bath time.
[aka] The time before the fuzziness sets in.

Doing this.

"Rub the underside of your jack-o-lantern lid with cinammon, nutmeg, or pie spices, and push in a few cloves. Then put a lit votive inside the pumpkin and enjoy hours of warm, spicy fragrance."




Andi, Food Editor - Betty Crocker Kitchens

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Funk.

September is an awkward month for me ever since last year.

On this day last year, David & I went to the doctor for our first ultrasound for our new baby.  I was 8 weeks, 6 days and feeling all the symptoms.  Without going into all the details, my ob's face dropped, and we knew bad news was seconds away.  Our baby was measuring 6 weeks, 2 days and there was no heartbeat.  This was followed by a second ultrasound to confirm the bad news, and a procedure a week later.  September 25th.  Blech.

However, this was followed by a +positive+ October.  And that was followed by an amazing June, when Baby Dean arrived.

This September, my bil & sil welcomed their new baby, Abel.  He was born premature at 31 weeks.  This baby is a FIGHTER.  He is stubborn.  He is adorable.  He is fiesty.  He is loud.  He is strong.  He is little.  And he is awesome.

To follow that, I just found out today that another woman I know had a her third miscarriage in four pregnancies.  Yuck, right?

In all of this, there HAS to be a silver lining. 

Maybe it's to remind us that getting pregnant, staying pregnant, and having a baby is simply a miracle.  We should be thankful for the little ones in our lives now and for those who are on their way.  Whether we have one amazing kid, like my niece Madison, or 8+ like David's aunt & uncle, we have to be grateful. 

We have to be thankful.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Slow down baby. You're movin' too fast.

I have really started to find a rhythm the last couple of days.

Mornings:
We have breakfast, get dressed, brush our teeth & watch "tattoons".

Afternoons:
We run our errands.  Lunch.  Naps.  I clean.  Do some random house project.

Evenings:
Dinner.  Baths.  More "tattoons".  Hugs & kisses.  Bed.

11pm:
Collapse.

3:30am:
Bottle.

6:00 am:
Bottle.

Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.

Sounds boring, I know.  But it's really making it more enjoyable, this whole having-a-routine thing.  Most of the time, I know what's coming next.  Naps are becoming consistent & predictable.  Bottles are easy.  Cleaning always sucks, but that's how it goes.

And every now and then, I stop and really listen to what Emma is telling me, or how Baby D is looking to find me from my voice.  His smiles could cheer ANYONE up, I mean...anyone.  He has the craziest hair, and I'm so used to it.  But when we're out in public, we probably get 5 comments a trip about it.  [I imagine I will tell his future wife this story some day.]  Emma luvs, luvs, luvs her baby brother.  She kneals down to him, and says "hi! hi!" in this tiny, high-pitched voice to get him to smile.  She says "He likes it!".  She runs, I mean RUNS, to get him his pacifier if she hears him cry.  This makes me smile.

So, two weeks from today, I will have worked all day long & done none of this "routine".  I.am.not.looking.forward.to.it.

Granted, I only have to work 3 days a week, and only one of those days is long....but it will still be a difficult transition.  You can't really call it a routine if you have to change it every 4 days.

As for now, I'm going to go relax with a magazine in bed.  [All the while, I will be crossing my fingers that D gives me 6+ hours of sleep tonight.]

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Greener?

Tired.
Refreshed.
Frustrated.
Challenged.
Loved.
Sad.
Thoughtful.
Envious.
Regretful.
Disgust.
Disgust.
Disgust.
Hopeful.
Proud.
Happy.
Jealous.
Mellow.
Bored.
Eager.
Annoyed.
Adult.
Stupid.
Responsible.
Anxious.
Ambitious.
Creative.

It's been an eye-opening couple of days  At some point in the last 48 hours, I have felt one of these feelings.  [sometimes 5 or 6 within the same thought] 
I had one of those "the grass is greener on the other side" moments.  You know, where you get to step out of your normal everyday life, and do something completely different than usual for a while.
It made me realize that I LOVE my everyday life.  I love my fixer-upper of a house.  I love that my biggest complaint with my husband is that he lets Emma stay up later than usual...because he wants to hang out with her.  I love that my new son wakes up in the middle of the night, and I am the only one that can really give him what he needs.  I love that I get to stay at home with my children, like my mom did with me.  I love that one by one, my best friends are slowly moving back home (or close enough).  I love that I live less than 5 minutes from both my parents & brother.  I love that one day, my daughter will find someone like her daddy.  I love that Dean is my little guy.  I love that I get to experience the other side of life, so I can realize how sweet I really have it.

No more complaining about getting up in the middle of the night.  Thank God I was lucky enough to get pregnant with him in the first place.

No more complaining about the dirt on my floors.  How hard is it to vacuum?  And I'm the one that wanted hardwood floors.  Shouldn't I be thankful I found a house that had them hiding underneath the carpet?

No more complaining about this, that, and the other.  And no more jealousy. 

Get over it Lauren.  Go hug your kids & kiss your incredible husband.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

.karma.

Of course.

It's what I get for bragging.

I slept for about, approximately, on average, in the neighborhood of, oh I don't know, 4 hours last night.

Not to be outdone, my morning was worse than my night.

Emma woke up with a rash.  She was in rare form.  Poor girl.

Dean woke up for the 5,oooth time in 8 hours.

Emma peed her pants.  (We're trying to potty-train.)  Down her legs, onto the floor.  More cleaning.

I looked at the calendar, and I go back to work in 3 weeks.

All of this happened before noon.

Bummer dude.

Found in purse.

"You were born a daughter. You looked up to your mother. You looked up to your father. You looked up to everyone. You wanted to be a princess. You thought you were a princess. You wanted to own a horse. You wanted to be a horse. You wanted your brother to be a horse. You wanted to wear pink. You never wanted to wear pink. You wanted to be a Veterinarian. You wanted to be President. You wanted to be the President's Veterinarian. You were picked last for the team. You were the best one on the team. You refused to be on the team. You wanted to be good in algebra. You hid during algebra. You wanted the boys to notice you. You were afraid the boys would notice you. You started to get acne. You started to get breasts. You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts. You wouldn't wear a bra. You couldn't wait to wear a bra. You couldn't fit into a bra. You didn't like the way you looked. You didn't like the way your parents looked. You didn't want to grow up. You had your first best friend. You had your first date. You had your second best friend. You had your second first date. You spent hours on the telephone. You got kissed. You got to kiss back. You went to the prom. You didn't go to the prom. You went to prom with the wrong person. You spent hours on the telephone. You fell in love. You fell in love. You fell in love. You lost your best friend. You lost your other best friend. You really fell in love. You became a steady girlfriend. You became a significant other. YOU BECAME SIGNIFICANT TO YOURSELF. Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need to rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it's time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete. Because you know it's never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one."
-Just Do It, Nike 1999

Monday, August 30, 2010

So close

We're so close to having a baby that sleeps through the night.  Emma slept through, consistently, at 9 weeks.  We moved her to her crib at 10 weeks.  She slept.  We slept.  That's how it works right?

SEVEN.

That's how many hours baby D gave me last night.

SEVEN.

I'll let it soak in.

Hallelujah people.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Chubby wubby

Baby D is napping on my chest.  I know I should be encouraging the crib sleeping, but I just can't pass up moments like this.  I remember when Emma was older, we looked back on some pictures of when she used to sleep on us (mostly daddy) and we missed it so much.  So, I'm trying to soak it in.  Because, today, he is EIGHT WEEKS OLD.  Yep, already.  I have already purged his dresser of all "newborn" sized clothing, and there's some 0-3's that are not far behind.  He's in 1 diapers.  His hair is getting longer by the second.  His eyelashes & eyebrows are darkening.  He's getting chubby wrinkles in his thighs.  He really sees faces.  He smiles back.  He needs his pacifier less.  He is awake more.  He's cute & more cute.

Hi you.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Eureka!

Fact:  I eat [so much more] during the day when I wear loose fitting clothing.

Fact:  I will stop wearing so much loose fitting clothing.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Old School

^^ This is the reason I keep everything. ^^
These are my old jammas that my mom kept for my daughter to wear "one day".
Well, that day has come.
How cute!

Monday, August 9, 2010

My fix.

To follow up on a recent post on wanting a change....I got my fix.

A new car!
Isn't she glorious?

I had been rolling in a 2-door Honda Civic for 5 years.  It was very reliable, my first car payment ever, and got me back and forth to David when I was down at IU.  It was a great car & I was really sad to leave it.  But...it was time.
Two doors = the exact opposite of family friendly.

The car was in Chicago, so we spent our whole Saturday driving up and back to get it.  We also took both kids.  [Yeh.  We're insane.]  So, with stops for food/feedings and traffic, the whole day was about 11 hours long.


Long day for all.



Sunday, August 8, 2010

My Therapy

A few reasons why clotheslines ROCK:
--It's green.  No energy used but my own.
--The smell.  Is there anything better than sniffing your line-dried sheets when you crawl into bed on a summers night?  (one of my best memories from my childhood)
--It's therapeutic.  o.m.g Is it ever.
Sun shining.
Birds chirping.
Those summer bugs buzzing.
Detergent in the air.
Dogs running the yard.
Time to think.
Calmness.
The satisfaction in knowing that I am not running the dryer & Emma will be crawling into a wonderfully scented bed tonight.  :)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Piece of cake

Having your first child:
Challenging because it's new and unknown.  Although, in a matter of days, it becomes easy because you start to learn what that cry means, the feeding schedule, and that the pacifier is a wonderful thing.  Yes, you're up in the middle of the night.  And yes, you're still learning that you needed this toy, but not this swing...or whatever.  It's a big change in your life.

But not as big as having kid #2.

Having your second child: 
Challenging because it's not new and unknown, so you thought you would remember everything that happened with child #1, and it would all be exactly the same (because that's the only way you know); and then all of the sudden...it's so not.  You're still up in the middle of the night.  You slowly learn again that baby #2 doesn't like the swing either (although everyone else in the world swears by it).  Baby #2 eats every 2 hours instead of every 3. <--Big difference.  #2 cries and you soothe with the pacifier rather than pick up and hold, because toddler #1 is upstairs and needs you to go help her.  Baby #2 needs to start napping in his crib, but you can't lay him down at the same time as #1 because you don't want #2 to cry and wake #1 up.  But you would rather they both lay down for naps at the same time because then maybe, just maybe, you could take a shower nap.  (Priorities people.)  Laundry x 2, enough said.  When you have just 1 baby, you can skip lunch because you don't have time to eat.  When you already have #1, you can still skip your own lunch...but not hers.  And no matter what kind of routine you try - it will not work for a while.  There will be days when it all falls exactly where you want it, and you say "I can do this."  Then, that night you'll get woken up 5 times, instead of 3, and nothing seems right as the rest of those 24 hours play themselves out.

Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE having 2 kids.  I know that this is the way it's supposed to be.  I understand that it's not always going to be easy.  I am just simply saying....two is harder than one.  It's a good thing I love these munchkins.  :)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Milestone!

As I type, a very wonderful thing is happening.

Baby Dean is taking his very first nap...in his crib!

Today he is 5 weeks, and he is proving himself to be so much older than he is.  David & I always talk about how we sometimes forget how young he is because he tries to be such a big boy.  He holds his head up on his own about 85% of the time.  He leaned himself up on his elbows at the pediatrician's office at his 1 month check up.  The dr. said "Wow!  That's so great!"  He was born a big boy, so he was never that fragile, tiny baby that we felt we had to be super careful with.

Plus, he rocks the faux-hawk.  :)

Craving

Not for food, but for a change.  I am craving a change with myself.

New hair color? Cut?  No, I've been working way too hard growing it out to cut it now.

Tattoo?  Nah.  I've got 2, and I think that's enough.

Piercing?  I have always wanted to get the little "door" to my ear pierced with a tiny silver hoop.  Am I too old for that?  Can moms have that?  But I'm not sure this would satisfy my craving.

Maybe it's an internal change I need. 
I have been trying to simplify my life.  Get rid of the silly, extra nonsense & fill up with more substantial necessities.

I have these cravings about once a year.  It's just this little bothersome nagging sensation that hangs around until I do something about it.  I just have to figure out what to do.  Hmmmm....

Monday, August 2, 2010

Mama, mama, mama...mama? Mamma! Mama.

There was a time when I could not wait to hear Emma say the word "mama" & know what it meant.  And I feel the same way about Dean finally saying it to me.  But goodness gracious.  I am pretty sure Em has said "mama" twenty-seven-thousand times today....and it's not even 5.  I love the girl.  && I love when she says this.  But I really, truly did just put cartoons on so she would be quiet for 5 minutes. 

Is that wrong?

I need to remember what I told my bf Jill the other day.  One of these days, she is going to be 16 and MAD, and she's going to drive away in a hurry to some boys house.  At that moment, I'm going to think to myself, "Gosh, I wish she was 2 again and my biggest problem was how many times she said 'mama' to me in a day."


....and now I feel guilty.  :(

I'm not the only one that does this right?

Saturday, July 31, 2010

1 short, sweet month

Weight: 10.64 lbs
Length:  22.6 inches
Head: 16 cm.
Cuteness: A bajillion-million  :)


One Month Deaners

The List of Random.

1.  We broke down & got cable.  I was really proud of not having it for such a long time, especially in this day and age...but the time has come.  We were not getting a good signal at our new house, so every time we turned on the tv, we had to move the bunny ears to get a couple of channels to come in.  After a month of doing this, we were o.v.e.r.i.t.  So, extra bill for $60 a month, welcome to our home.  We're glad to have you.

2.  I am starting to fit into my clothes again!  This is good news.  I have not weighed myself yet.  I actually don't even own a scale because I would probably drive myself insane if I did.  I'm waiting until I go for my 6-week checkup.  Time will tell.

3.  I have decided to de-clutter my life.  In my last house, David turned an EXTRA room into my closet.  I'm not kidding when I say that I had a table in this closet.  Yes, a table.  With a lamp.  Pictures on the walls.  And a window.  It was beautiful.  I have a very, very small closet in the new house.  The other night, I was trying to fall asleep and I was worrying about where I was going to store all of my clothes.  The next morning, I realized how ridiculous I was being.  There are much bigger things in my life that I need to direct this attention towards.  So I have decided to start my "de-cluttering" with my clothes.  So far, I have 3 full trash bags ready to go to Goodwill, with another bag for the trash.  Heck to the yes.

4.  Emma UN-does everything I do.  If I put a towel on the oven handle, she takes it down and leaves it on the floor.  If I pack up all of my pumps into a box in my closet, she dumps all of them out the try on every single pair.  If I put papers in a tupperware container, she takes them out, and uses the container to give her teddy burr a bath.  Everything I do, she UN-does it.  But it's just do darn cute, I can't be upset about it.  Here's your visual aid:

Yeh, she's posin'.

5.  We have made some tentative plans for September.  One of my bests lives in South Bend, within walking distance of the football stadium.  She invited David & me up for a weekend to go tailgating/attend an actual game.  David wants to go to the game, I want to tailgate with my lovely.  It will be a great weekend for us as a couple.  Long drive without kids + good/lots of drinks + fantastic company = can't wait.  Next, we have a wedding in Rhode Island that we might road trip...&&& this time, with both kidzzz.  It will be my last weekend before I go back to work.  We're thinking it could be a fun experience, and we could show off the newest addition & his very proud big sister.  :)  Hopefully, both of these come to be.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Are you for real?

O.M.G.

It's 10:19 a.m. & all three of us are ready for the day.

What I mean is...we're not still lounging around in our "jammas" as Em would say.  This is a big accomplishment.

Baby Dean is 1 flippin' month old today.  In this very short, very fast month, we have not all been ready before noon.  I'm talking maybe I'll get both kidS (<---plural, still getting used to that) ready but I won't get my shower in until 9 at night......if at all.  Or I'll shower, but then Baby D is still in his jamma gown at 1:30 in the afternoon.

But today...well, I'm awesome.  It's done.  We're ready.  :)

Routine is something I've really been working on.  I'm not usually one to preach this "routine" thing, but it is time to try.  I've decided to have dinner every night at 6-ish.  I don't want to eat at 8 or 9.  I'll never lose weight that way.  Emma is usually in the bath by 7 & bed by 8.  Granted, she gets out of bed about 3 (feels like a bajillion) times before she actually stays and goes to sleep.  Slowly but surely, we'll get there.

Baby Dean 1-month appointment today.  I wonder how much he weighs now.  ;)  What a chunky monkey.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Fixer Upper --- way upper

Don't get me wrong - I luuuuurrvve my new (old) house.  But when you buy a fixer-upper, all of those things that need fixed...well, they're on you.  I constantly have a to-do list running through my mind that is a million miles long.  There is always something that can be done to improve the look of the house.  Or sometimes it's just an upgrade that I would LIKE to be done, but doesn't HAVE to be done.  Big difference.

Well, let's just say I knocked one task off that crazy, long list.  I finally painted Emma's room - and it's PINK!  It looks fantastic, and she loves it.  I can honestly say I never thought I would let her have a pink room, but she claims that's her favorite color, so we'll run with it.  :)

Lauren - 1
House - 5,287

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

3 weeks new

My Bubs @ 3 weeks

A new baby = A new mommy

So ever since we brought Baby Dean home, Emma has been nothing short of wonderful with him.  I thank my lucky stars every day for how well she is behaving.  She has not displayed one single act of jealousy towards him or us.  All she wants to do is help.  She is constantly saying "I'm gunna go check on baby brudder." or I'll find her climbing up next to him on the couch just to give him his pacifier.  Probably the sweetest thing is when we look back on them in the backseat of the car, and she's either holding his hand, giving him his pacifier, laying her teddy bear on him, or just lightly patting him on the belly.

Talk about a proud mama.  Yes, me.  Oh, and her too.  :)

She has this new thing where all she wants to do is take care of her teddy bear.  She is always being "mommy" to him.  Whether she is standing on her potty seat so she can reach the wipes to "change teddy burrs dayper" or laying him in the swing with a blanket to "make him filll butter", she is always up to something.  This morning I woke up, and the first thing she tells me is she needs to find the "temperature" so she can determine if teddy bear is sick or not.  She sticks the thermometer in his mouth and finally says "it's high mama, it's high".  Then she takes him to bed and covers him up.  When you walk into the room where teddy bear is sleeping, she "sshhh's" you.

I wonder what her first memory will be?  One of my strongest first memories is when my brother was born, and we went to see him and my mom in the hospital.  I remember bringing the car seat out and driving home with him.  I had just turned 3.  She's coming up on that quicker than I can even believe.  It's amazing to think that I will (and aparently already do) have such an influence on her life & memories she makes.  What a powerful, overwhelming and scary feeling.

Here is mommy #2 clipping baby doll's (she says "Bayup") fingernails.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Chunky Monkey

Not even a week old here.

Week & a half.

He gets about 43,782 kisses a day.
Lucky me. :)

So this is what this feels like.

So - had a baby.  You knew that.  He was jaundiced.  You knew that too.

He took almost 2 weeks to fight the jaundice off.  You didn't know that.  Boooooo.

David & I have basically been stuck inside our house for these first two weeks of Dean's life because of the jaundice.  He was hooked up to a "billi-blanket" 24/7.  This blanket it basically a really thin light paddle connected to a machine that whirrs nonstop.  He had to stay in one of two spots because they were close to outlets so the machine could stay plugged in.  Can we say ugh?



So on Wednesday (my birthday), we took Dean to the hospital for the 5th time to get some blood work done.  That's the other crappy part about this jaundice thing - heel pricks.  He had to get his blood drawn and then we would wait around all day for the results.  On this particular day, he got more than just the jaundice test done.  He got two more tests that would have determined whether or not he was depleting his red blood cells too quickly, resulting in the jaundice.  Side effects from jaundice are awful & more awful.  Plus, if the tests came back positive, the only real fix was a blood transfusion....on a two week old.  Break my heart why don't ya.

We waited & waited & waited - then we got the phone call at 5:07 pm that he was okay!  His numbers went down, we could take him off the blanket, and his tests came back negative.  Best birthday present ever.

So, yesterday was day 1 without the blanket, and it finally feels like we're home & together.  I can put him in his uber-cute little boy outfits that I have been stocking up on since the day I found out he was a boy.  I can carry him with me.  We can go out to places & take long walks and not have to worry about being on that damn blanket.  It's wonderful.  :)

All in all, I do realize that it could have been much worse.  And I am so grateful that it wasn't.  But it was a stressful couple of weeks that I'm glad are over.  Now let the fun times begin.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Good news......

No.  Scratch that.  GREAT NEWS.

Had a baby.
Love him.  :)

Monday, June 28th:
I had a dr. appointment at 11:40 am.  I was measuring 2.5 centimeters - he "stretched" me to 3.  <---This is the turning point of my pregnancy.  I was about 75% effaced.  I left the doctor and went back to work.  I started to feel some cramping at about 1:13 pm.  I decided to start writing down this "cramping" and how often it was happening.  After some extremely irregular timing, I realized these were contractions.  They ranged anywhere from 4-20 minutes apart.  At about 4:30 they started becoming more painful and regular, coming every 6-7 minutes.  I kept working through them, but was very aware they were happening.  When it was time to leave work at 5:30, I was pausing and slowly breathing through them...but still wary of calling the doctor.  I drove home thinking they might go away, just like the last time.  Turns out....not happenin'.

At about 6:30 pm, I called the doctor and he said to head on in.....for the THIRD time.  At this point, I was not at all nervous about this being a false alarm.  These contractions were coming on hard & fast.  It was like all of the sudden I remembered every pain I had with Emma, and these were the real deal.  We get to the hospital and settle down in Suite 11 to determine if I needed admitting.  My water hadn't broken, but I was already asking for the epidural.  After answering many questions and breathing through many contractions, I was still only 3 centimeters.  They wouldn't give me any of my magical drugs until I "progressed" any further or my water broke.  I was starting to really think that I was going to go find the drugs myself.  They finally decided that I could get the drugs because my contractions were clearly coming everything 3 minutes and not going away.  Bending over the side of the bed to get the epidural is difficult, but worth every second.  Within minutes I felt relief.  Thank goodness, I could actually rest for a while.

David and I ended up resting with the lights out for a couple of hours.  Contractions stayed regular throughout the epidural (which can be rare), and all of the sudden - I was 8 centimeters.  My parents came in and visited for about 20 minutes.  By the time they left, baby dropped and I was 10 centimeters.  The doctor was called and it was time to "trial push".  Then it was NOT time to "trial push".  I had progressed so quickly, they didn't want me to push at all without the dr. present.  It was about 2 am when the doctor said to push....

....and Baby Dean was born at 2:20 am on June 29th, 2010.  He weighed 9 lbs. 8 oz. and was 21.5 inches long.  Yes.  He was almost 3 weeks early and weighed that much.  Yes.  I am glad I got the drugs.

It has now been a week since I've had him, and he is doing well.  He was jaundiced, so he has to be on a billi-light 24/7 for now.  Today is day 4 on the blanket, and his numbers are going down.  We get him tested again tomorrow for hopefully the last time.  If his numbers go down tomorrow, we get rid of the blanket and can actually get out of the house for more than an hour!  We are going stir crazy for sure.

As for me, I am healing much faster and easier than I did with Emma.  On day 6, I took a 1.5 mile walk without even realizing it.  Today, we walked around our new neighborhood for about 45 minutes with Emma & Dean.  Tomorrow, more of the same.  :)

All of the above was great news....

the bad news is:  I can't find my camera cord to get all of the adorable pictures of my new son onto my computer!  I am now on a mission to find it.  Wish me luck.

Friday, June 25, 2010

O.W.T.'s

Old Wives Tales to induce labor:

1.  Eat spicy foods.
2.  Take a walk.
3.  Get a pedicure.
4.  Squatting.
5.  Eat pineapple.
6.  Drive down a bumpy road.
7.  S-e-x.
8.  Drink rasberry leaf tea.
9.  Take a hot bath.
10. Forget about trying to induce labor, and just let it happen.

Siiiiggghhh.....

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Act II

Seriously?  I went to the hospital......again.

I woke up this morning at 6:45 am with what were most definitely contractions.  These were not Braxton Hicks, nor where they the tiny ones I've been having since 28 weeks.  These were the real deal.  They were 7 minutes apart for 2 hours before I called the doctor - hoping not to have a false alarm again.  He said to go in to the hospital and get hooked up to the monitors again.  Baby boy was doing fine and contractions started coming 5 minutes apart for an entire hour.

Then......


they just went away.  Gone.

So, after being in the hospital for over 4 hours, I had not dialated any more than the original 2 cm. & his head was still "high".  I was sent home......again.

If I don't leave with a baby next time I go in there, I'm going to go insane.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

"I carried a watermelon?"

--36 weeks & 3 days--

The girl who cried labor.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lauren.  She was 36 weeks pregnant, and really feeling it.  One day, she went to the doctor for a check-up.  He said "Lauren, you are 2 centimeters dialated, and 70% effaced."  Lauren and her husband, David, got very excited at this news.  They realized they were going to have a baby soon!

Two days earlier, Lauren had noticed some "leaking" happening.  It wasn't much, and she wasn't in pain, so she did not think too much of it.  However, her husband wanted her to call the doctor to make sure it wasn't her water breaking.  On her way to work one Tuesday morning, Lauren called the doctor.  He said "Go to the hospital.  We will hook you up to the monitors, and see how far along you are."  She grabbed her hospital bag (already nicely packed) and David drove her to the hospital.

They were greeted and sent to Suite 7.  After putting on the hospital gown (lovely, by the way), Lauren sat in the bed as the nurse hooked up all the equipment and asked all the questions.  "How long have you been leaking?" the nurse says.  Lauren replied "About 2 days."  The nurse then said "You should have called us sooner.  You definitely should have told Dr. S about this before now."

Lauren realized that even though these nurses were nice, they were very serious about this "leaking" business.  The nurse then did a PH test to see if Lauren's water broke.  The test came back yellow, confirming that her water did NOT break.  The nurse was perplexed.  "What could this liquid be?" she asked.  She then went to page Dr. S.

All the time, Lauren was having contractions.  They were very irregular in strength and timing.

After 20 minutes of waiting, Dr. S came in to review the situation.  He asked all the same questions, and measured Lauren again.  She was still 2 centimeters dialated, and 70% effaced.  No change.  He told Lauren to go home, relax, and call if she had any concerns.

Lauren then changed her clothes, packed her hospital bag back up, and her husband drove her home.

The end. 
But not really.

This has been a presentation of "The Girl Who Cried Labor".

Monday, June 21, 2010

Smile!

Me & Hubs
I am 35 weeks in this picture.

The same way twice.

When I had Emma, I obviously had no idea what to expect.  Plus, she was early...which really threw me.

In my mind, this labor is going to happen the same way it did with Emma.

Meaning:
It will be 3:45 am and I will get up to pee.  (Story of my life)  I'll lay back down, and my water will break.  I'll start timing contractions, and call my doctor.  I'll shower, get ready, and go to the hospital.  I'll be checked in.  I'll be given drugs.  After nine hours of labor, I'll have the baby.

However:
There is no way it will happen the same way twice.  What if my water doesn't break this time?  What if I'm at work?  What if I am in labor for 36 hours?  What if they need to do a c-section?  What if something is wrong with the baby?  What if, what if, what if???

But, I can't imagine it any other way. 

I think I'm in for a big awakening....and probably not from my water breaking.

Gulp.

Appointment Today @ 36 weeks, 2 days:

Weight Gain: 39 pounds
Maternity Clothes:  Over it.
Feeling Baby:  Hiccups & elbows.
Food Cravings:  Had a hankerin' for some Nerds today.
Milestones:  Trying to hit 37 weeks on Saturday.  This would mean he is "full term".

Oh yeah, and.....

2 centimeters dialated.
60%-70% effaced.

Surprise!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Not cool.

My swollen ankles were fine.  I had accepted them.  I didn't have them with Emma, but I knew they were a possibility.

My swollen calves & shins however.....


not so fine.

They feel funny.  They look even funnier.  This is not good.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Well, well, well.

So I had some milestones to accomplish this week.  I got FOUR of them done just today!

1.  Pre-register.  Done.  If I have any pains, contractions, or questions, I just take the 3rd elevator to the 4th floor.  Labor & Delivery, here I come!

2.  Fireplace?  Done.  We had to take our lunch break today to pick out some different brick.  They ended up demolishing the old fireplace, and building my new one in just a few hours.  It looks pretty amazing.

3.  Countertops.  Done.  This may not have been on my list yesterday, but it should have been.  We have been waiting on our granite countertops to be installed for about 6 weeks.  It's been a very frustrating process.  However, now that it's done, and they're in - I am one happy girl.

4.  Pack hospital bag.  Done.  Onesies are washed, folded, and in the bag.  Nursing nightgown purchased and in the bag.  (& it's not dorky!)  Some extra Newborn sized diapers are in the bag too, just in case.  I took them out of the package and couldn't believe my eyes.  They are soo tiny!  Now, all I have to do when this goes down is pack my toothbrush, contact solution, and hair brush.  Knocking this one off the list makes me feel loads better.

How about that for a Monday?  Think I'm nesting yet?  I'd say definitely.  :)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Baby Steps

Milestones from last week:

~My entire life is now packed into my garage, and not a storage unit.
~My work schedule post-baby has been confirmed with boss.  Part-time = Friday, Saturday & Sundays.  Home with Emma and baby boy Monday - Thursday.
~Officially hit 35 weeks pregnant on Saturday.  Lungs should now be mature enough to handle breathing without assistance if born now.
~Hospital bag for mama & baby boy mostly packed.  I just need a nightgown for me and onesies for bb.  Onesies are in the dryer as we speak.  Nightgown still needs purchased.  Never even packed my hospital bag with Emma b/c she came earlier than expected.
~Cankles.  Enough said.

Milestones we're hoping to accomplish this week:
~Beds & crib set up with clean sheets in all three bedrooms.
~Running water.
~Cleaning appliances.  Maybe even filling my fridge with food???
~Hardwood floors washed and oiled.
~New fireplace?
~Pre-register at the hospital.  <---This really needs done.
~Dishwasher installed.
~Cankles.  I'm sure they're here to stay.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Deep breath.

It's official.  I'm in panic mode.

Reasons:
1.  I own a house.  My house = A house with no toilets, no sinks, missing doors, half of the necessary appliances, and no countertops.
2.  All of my nursing/after-baby gear is packed away in a storage unit costing me $77 a month.
3.  We haven't chosen a dresser and bed frame for Emma.  These are necessary.  She needs to have a place to sleep.
4.  I am 34 weeks pregnant today.  I had Emma at 37.5 weeks.  I am measuring weeks ahead of my due date.  This makes me think I could have this baby, say, any day now?
5.  I have no bags packed.  I have nothing prepared for me, my new baby, or Emma to stay at grandma & grandpa Chaney's.  PANIC.

Those are just 5 of the reasons I feel the way I do.

Deep breath.  Relax. 

Panic.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Could it be?

I may, or may not, be "nesting".

But it's different than you think.

I am currently still without my own home.  It is getting close to being done - but it's not quite there.  Therefore, I can't really nest there.  And I'm not doing it at my in-laws.

Hubby has a theory:  I'm nesting with myself.

Tuesday - Pedicure; nail removal followed by a manicure.
Wednesday - Prenatal massage.
Next Thursday - Full highlight and hair cut.

He thinks I'm going to have the baby earlier than expected because I seem to be "nesting" with myself.  I told him I'm just trying to do these last minute things because I will not have time to do them after baby boy gets here.  Why would I go spend 2.5 hours in a salon when I could be with Emma and new baby instead?  And who would turn down a $25 hour long prenatal massage?  I mean, seriously?  And, it's not like I can reach my feet to even try to paint my own toenails.  :)

Friday, May 28, 2010

32 weeks, 6 days I guess?

Due Date: Does any one really know?
Weight Gain: 34 pound-a-roos
Maternity Clothes:  Even they are getting tight.
Feeling Baby:  The little movements have turned into major sightings of limbs gliding across my belly.  He still really enjoys my ribs too.
Food Cravings:  I just love the slushies still.  Give me a blue rasberry slushie & I'm a happy girl with a blue-toothed grin.
Gender:  Oh, don't you wish you knew the name?
What I Miss:  Being able to wear all of these cute summer clothes!  It seems like this season's clothes are right up my fashion alley, and all I can do is look.
What I Love:  Being able to eat whatever I want, and not having to suck in afterwards.  Yes, I'm serious.
Looking Forward To:  Emma hugged my belly the other day.  Then she rubbed her hand on it and kept repeating that I was her mama.  I cannot wait to see her with this little guy.  She is going to be a fantastic big sister.  :)

Summa summa summa time!

Too flippin' cute.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Whah??


My munchkin.

Some background:
*Original ultrasound around 6 weeks = Due date of July 17th.
*Second ultrasound = Due date of July 9th.
*Third Ultrasound = Due date of July 5th.

Notes from the Fourth Ultrasound (5/26/10):
*This ultrasound was scheduled because I have been measuring about a week ahead, have had possible contractions, am slightly dialated, and had my first baby early.
*Cold jelly squeezed on my belly.
*We see heartbeat right away, 146's she says.  Right where he should be.
*She starts to measure femur, head circumference, and stomach.  Everything looks good.
*He kicks back at her wand.  I told you he was feisty. :)
*She pulls up the measurements to see if he really is as big as we think.
*He is.
*She gives us an "unofficial" due date of JUNE - yes, you read that right - JUNE 16TH.
*Because of how drastic this is, she remeasures everything.  And then she does it a third time.
*Femur - 34 weeks.
*Stomach - 35 weeks, 4 days.
*Head - 38 weeks, 2 days.
*Note - I am supposed to be 32 weeks, 4 days.
*Therefore, I have an appointment scheduled for Friday to see what my Dr. says.
*As you can see in the picture from today, he is literally trying to put his toes in his mouth.  Our technician said she had never seen a baby try to do that.  Our little guy is a chunker already.