well, does it?

ohmygoodnessdoesiteverend?

Lately, I have had a constant feeling of "overwhelm-ed-ness".

In my old house, I NEVER cleaned.  If you knew me then, I was a messy/sloppy/dirty person who put more work into my job than my house.  My car = mess.  Shower = dirty.  Closet = sloppy.  I never vacuumed, mopped, scrubbed, laundered, scraped, steamed, or disinfected ANYTHING.  The only reason I ever got my butt up to clean was when I had a baby who was crawling everywhere, or when I knew company was coming over.  We lived far enough away to where I didn't have to worry myself with "unexpected" guests.  I just let the dog fur take over my living room, and the soap scum dominate my shower door.  Yuck.

I've made a promise to myself not be like that again.  My expectations of cleanliness are incredibly higher than they used to be.  I have a new house, a new baby, and many more free hours in my days due to my part-time status at work.  We also live closer to every one and therefore the chances of "stop-bys" have increased dramatically.  All of this is good news, right?  It's everything I wanted.  But....I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I must find a middle ground in this whirlwind of change.

I am guessing (and secretly hoping) that this is the case for all stay-at-home moms and dads.  I wake up & instantly evaluate the cleanliness situation.  "That dog fur over there needs swept up.  I should clean the rugs in the bathroom.  The tablecloth needs rinsed from last night's spagetti mess.  I should sprinkle the pet-deodorizing powder and vacuum upstairs.  Pledge would get rid of those fingerprints on the fridge.  I should get laundry started so Emma can wear her sweatshirt tomorrow because it's supposed to be colder.  What's for dinner?  Where's a pen, I've got to start a grocery list.  Charlie, please stop sneezing your snot all over my freshly mopped floor!  I should fold that basket of laundry.  Oh look, more dog fur."  Et cetera.  Et cetera.  Times infinity.

And then, I do the same thing in the evenings in an attempt to wake up to a smaller list of things-to-do.

My house is exponentially cleaner than my last because of this insanity.  And one of these days, family and friends will stop harassing me about how they expect everything to be messy, and finally realize that my house is clean.  Yes, I USED to be a mess.  But I don't live that way anymore.  And I never will.

So, if you see me zoning out - I'm thinking about what I can clean.  And that's okay.  One of these days, I'll find a rhythm to this madness and not be so overwhelmed.  But for now, if you need me, I'll be making a to-do list.  Feel free to "stop by" and help.