Tuesday, December 28, 2010

You mooch.

Oh wait, that's me.

I "borrow" my internet.  I don't pay for it.  I have a wonderful neighbor who unknowlingly let me use their interent.

Until, they caught on & locked me out.  Blast!

So, that's where I've been.  I have been trying to read the blogs I follow on my tiny blackberry screen.  Ain't cuttin' it.

So there may be some lagging times between blogs, but please know I am still here.  And I do miss writing. 

I hope all 3 of my readers miss reading my writing.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Five months.

Bubs is FIVE months old.  Five.  F. I. V. E.  Did you get that?

He is five months, and I feel like I am just now getting the hang of having two kids.  That's not to say I have it ALL under control all of the time.  But recently I feel like I have maybe found a groove.  Baby D is napping at around the same times each day.  Emma is still taking her once-a-day naps - thank goodness.  [I dread the day she decides she's too old for naps.]  Cleaning/upkeep is becoming easier to manage.  And my relationship with husband is on it's way up.

To expand a little, I was on an emotional roller coaster for a long time after having Dean.  Looking back, my posts oozed despair, stress, and a little bit of depression.  It was nice to have this blog as an outlet for my feelings.  It also helped me realize that I was probably more stressed out than I thought.  I wouldn't say it was postpartum depression/anxiety, but I was probably close to it.  I even googled the symptoms because I felt so different.  One day, I just realized that I hadn't really felt like myself, like the "lauren" that I am, in a long time.  There were many factors that contributed to this feeling, and I just had to sit down and evaluate each one.

1.  Extremes.  I went from having one child to having two.  I went from having no house to a fixer-upper in one night.  Please note that "one night" was the day we brought Baby D home from the hospital.  [what were we thinking?]  It just took me a while to realize that we were crazy for what we did, but we are pretty balanced now.

2.  Sleep.  Baby D is a much different baby than Emma ever was.  She slept through the night very early on, and we were better rested.  D is 5 months old, and I woke up with him at least 4 times just last night.  Not getting enough sleep is obviously a factor here.

3.  The "Super Mom" syndrome.  Nope.  You can NOT do it all.  At least I can't.  I tried.  I tried real hard.  I felt like I had to, like I was supposed to be able to do it all.  But, after about 5 months, I figured out that I simply can't.  I just have to do what I can, the best I can.  When I feel like I can take something else on, then I will.  But not before I'm ready.  I learned that lesson the hard way.  Thank goodness I have a husband with the most patience ever.  Seriously, ever.

It took me a long while to figure this out, and I don't believe I'm done at all.   But at least I've got a handle on what I need to do.  Slow down.  Breathe.  Evaluate.  Start again.  Only do what needs to be done.  Get good at that.  Then consider adding more.

Let's see how the next 5 months play out shall we?

This is my brain.

This is my brain on the holidays.

Any questions?

Christmas time has always been a pretty great memory for me.  My brother & I used to "sleep" on Christmas Eve, and then almost pee our pants with anticipation of what Santa Claus brought the next morning.  I hope Emma & Dean love it as much as we did.

I'm trying my best to make it special.  Emma is getting to the age where she will start to remember certain things.  One of my first memories is bringing baby bro home from the hospital.  I was just three...and Emma is fast approaching this age. [in 3 months - ahhh!]  I want her to remember the good parts: wrapping presents, listening to Ray Charles sing "That Spirit of Christmas", the smell of the real Christmas Tree, her favorite ornaments, putting the star on top of the tree, watching the classics on tv, and giving presents to others.  What a great season, ay?

I've got about 80% of the shopping done - which is a HUGE accomplishment for me.  I decided this year I was too poor to just go out and buy them all at once, so I've been slowly accumulating all throughout November.  What a difference this makes!  I feel calmer about it, and I've had time to really choose the perfect gifts for everyone.  I've also saved money because I am not paying for last-minute-rush-to-my-door-as-fast-as-you-can-because-xmas-is-in-three-days shipping.  [heard of that?]

And while the holidays are so special to me, I think I like them too because they make me appreciate the warm months even more than I already do.  For example, I just looked out my back door at all the snow falling, and I realized I have the perfect set of trees to hang a hammock from.  Score!  Lemonade, kids playing, hammock in the shade - is it summer yet?  Just kidding.  But how great is that going to be?

For now, I will just enjoy being all cozy inside my new-old house wondering what Emma will remember from this year, and the next, and the next.....and before I know it, she'll have 2 kids of her own wondering the same darn thing.