I constantly evalutate myself. My style. My thoughts. My habits. I do all of this thinking & evaluating to make myself a better person, wife, mother. Lately though, I've been wondering if it is making me better -or- worse.
I'm pretty sure I'm trying to be superwoman without knowing I'm trying to be superwoman. Get it?
I mean, whenever I do anything, I think about how I'm doing it and if I could do it faster, cleaner, better, or more often. Even if I am sitting down for a couple of minutes, I am thinking about what else I could be doing besides resting. Then I get completely stressed out for the millionth time that day.
I never really felt this kind of pressure after I had Emma, but that's because I had much lower expectations for myself & my home. Plus, I worked full-time, so I saw/cleaned/made the mess much left often than now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am in a constant state of review about what I do everyday, and it's starting to really stress me out. But I can't stop. I can't just let the mess be. Do other moms & dads think this way? Do they have trouble resting because there is so much more they could be doing?
I can tell you one thing, I'm pretty sure my mom was superwoman. She kept an immaculate house without letting her stress about it show. She created a clean, but stress-free home. That's what I want. But I'm having trouble getting there.
Will I ever feel a sense of calm? Will I ever stop being overwhelmed?