ooooze.

So, apparently I give off a vibe.

It has come to my attention that most of the people in my life think I'm either pregnant. trying to get pregnant. or planning to get pregnant.

Whah?

Maybe I spill too many personal "beans" on this blog.  Maybe I voice my love of pregnancy too often.  Maybe I talk about having babies too much.  Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

In the past week I have had co-workers say "I would have guessed you guys were trying again already."  I had a family member call to see "what was up with my vague facebook posts".  At a family gathering, a room full of in-laws were in discussion about how many kids David & I were going to have.  "You'll definitely have four, if not five." "No, they'll have three for sure.  Well, maybe four."  It was a bizarre situation suddenly finding out what most of your family thinks of your reproductive habits.

But is it so bad to be in this situation?  I mean, I must love having babies if I talk about it so much right?  And I'm lucky enough to experience and journal my pregnancies in an environment that encourages documenting these events.  And I'm happy that friends & family read this blog, because it's not just for me.

And finally, no.  I am not pregnant.  But I'm sure you'll be the first to know when I am.  :)

Grow up.

This summer, my parents brought over a little maple tree that had sprouted in their yard.  It was tiny, but sturdy for it's size.  We planted it in a spot near the back of our new-to-us backyard.

Well, look at it now.

Isn't it gorgeous?  Can you imagine what it will look like in 10 years?  How about 20?  It gets me excited  just thinking about it.

I like to think of this tree as Dean's Tree.  It was a newborn the summer he was a newborn.  I will watch both of them grow up big and strong.  Although, I do have a hard time thinking about Baby D in 10 years.  How about 20? Ah!

So while I am encouraging the growth of Dean's Tree and admiring the colorful [albeit tiny] display, I'm thinking about how much Dean has already grown. 

And how I'm sure he will be more colorful than any tree ever could.

well, does it?

ohmygoodnessdoesiteverend?

Lately, I have had a constant feeling of "overwhelm-ed-ness".

In my old house, I NEVER cleaned.  If you knew me then, I was a messy/sloppy/dirty person who put more work into my job than my house.  My car = mess.  Shower = dirty.  Closet = sloppy.  I never vacuumed, mopped, scrubbed, laundered, scraped, steamed, or disinfected ANYTHING.  The only reason I ever got my butt up to clean was when I had a baby who was crawling everywhere, or when I knew company was coming over.  We lived far enough away to where I didn't have to worry myself with "unexpected" guests.  I just let the dog fur take over my living room, and the soap scum dominate my shower door.  Yuck.

I've made a promise to myself not be like that again.  My expectations of cleanliness are incredibly higher than they used to be.  I have a new house, a new baby, and many more free hours in my days due to my part-time status at work.  We also live closer to every one and therefore the chances of "stop-bys" have increased dramatically.  All of this is good news, right?  It's everything I wanted.  But....I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I must find a middle ground in this whirlwind of change.

I am guessing (and secretly hoping) that this is the case for all stay-at-home moms and dads.  I wake up & instantly evaluate the cleanliness situation.  "That dog fur over there needs swept up.  I should clean the rugs in the bathroom.  The tablecloth needs rinsed from last night's spagetti mess.  I should sprinkle the pet-deodorizing powder and vacuum upstairs.  Pledge would get rid of those fingerprints on the fridge.  I should get laundry started so Emma can wear her sweatshirt tomorrow because it's supposed to be colder.  What's for dinner?  Where's a pen, I've got to start a grocery list.  Charlie, please stop sneezing your snot all over my freshly mopped floor!  I should fold that basket of laundry.  Oh look, more dog fur."  Et cetera.  Et cetera.  Times infinity.

And then, I do the same thing in the evenings in an attempt to wake up to a smaller list of things-to-do.

My house is exponentially cleaner than my last because of this insanity.  And one of these days, family and friends will stop harassing me about how they expect everything to be messy, and finally realize that my house is clean.  Yes, I USED to be a mess.  But I don't live that way anymore.  And I never will.

So, if you see me zoning out - I'm thinking about what I can clean.  And that's okay.  One of these days, I'll find a rhythm to this madness and not be so overwhelmed.  But for now, if you need me, I'll be making a to-do list.  Feel free to "stop by" and help.

My two-year-old's mind

Me: "Do you know how you get toys from grandma, mama, uncle bot, etc, etc...?"
Emma: "yah."
Me: "Well, there are kids in the world that do not get toys at all."
Emma: "oooh.  Dey are sad?"
Me: "Yes.  Do you want to come with me to buy some toys to give to those kids?"
Emma: "Yah! Den dey won't be sad eneemoh?"
Me: "That's right.  They will be happy."
Emma: "And we can sing to dem?"
Me: "Yes.  Then we can sing to them."

Because, apparently, in my 2 year-old's mind - singing fixes things && makes you happy.

And that is what makes me happy.

:)

Ah jeez.

Emma: "I want a wittle sissser."
Dad: "You do?"
Emma:  "Yah.  I want two of dem."


Great.

Resolutions.

"Before-the-new-year" Resolutions:

(aka. Goals I want to accomplish by January 1st.)

--Cloth Diapers.--

I've done the research.  I know I want the Bumgenius Elemental All-In-One, One Size in Ribbit, Moonbeam, Twilight, and Grasshopper.  Sounds like a foreign language, huh?  Well, up until today, it was.  But I've learned.  Now I just have to shell out the LARGE chunk of money necessary to purchase them, and in a very short time, they will pay for themselves.  I'm so tired of spending $19.99 every week-and-a-half for diapers that take 500 years (!!!) to decompose.  Cloth diapers can be used for subsequent kiddos and are better for babies skin.  As soon as I can spend this money, I will be using cloth diapers.

--Baby Dean's Photo Album.--

This is a major goal.  I really need to keep up with this, or I'll never remember dates/accomplishments/moments to write them down.  Must. do. soon.

--Credit Card.--

This one is simple.  Stop using it.  Much easier said than done.

--Finances.--

Stop spending so much darn money.  Now that we're finally in a "livable" state with our renovated home, and we have baby bills consolidated, we need to start repaying debts and saving, saving, saving.  And yes, I do understand this will be a never-ending battle.

--Garage.--

Clean it out.  Keep the good.  Goodwill the rest.  Unfortunately, we still have boxes from moving that we have yet to unpack.  Once these are taken care of we can actually use our garage for, wait for it....parking our cars.  What a great idea right?

This is an extremely condensed version of the dialogue that runs through my head every.single.flippin.day.

Mommy Emma

She woke up this morning & decided to be mama.

She really did all of this on her own.  Baby, carseat, food in cart.

Gaah I loves her.

My Truths

1.  When I brag about something, it will not last.  Example?  "Dean gave me 9+ hours of sleep last night!"  Guess what he's given me since that.  FIVE. at the most.  He's back to waking me up twice a night, with no intention of going back to his old ways.  Want another one?  "Emma is potty-trained!"  The day after I wrote that, I watched my daughter pee all over the floor of Target.  Had to get down on my hands and knees and undress her, wipe her down with about 500 wipes, and then clean the floor.  Thank goodness I had a plastic bag in the baby bag that I threw her underwear, pants, socks, and shoes in.  She then wore a shirt and pull-up for the rest of the shopping trip.  Classy.

2.  Good friends never leave.  Tonight I had dinner with an old friend [since 4th grade old] and her adorable daughter.  It was a long time coming, and I'm really glad we did it.  We are basically waaay too similar to not be friends.  More dinners to come! :)

3.  Still jealous of pregnant people.

I'm going to end this post by NOT bragging.

*My daughter is not potty-trained and pees everywhere.
*Dean is waking up every 2 hours.

[Maybe if I say those things, they will do the opposite.  Right?  Right?  Hello?]